Heart of Jesus in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Heart of Jesus, in whom dwells the fullness of divinity.
Jesus, the Son of Virgin Mary...
How beautiful these words, how rainbowling; each is a sparkle ball, I roll and wash over them and they paint themselves in front of my eyes, within, somehow in a new straight-up manner, and finally almost in some feminine manner like the murmuring of the clock as Orwell wrote of clocks, each minute sounds from their clock's mouth alike - but how one minute, hour occurs colored - grievely and oh! sunny - under the same accompaniment of wall type dimmer. Maybe O God, maybe this is the most comfortable instrument for emigrants like we are in your Land in Yours Sion, till we trespass the Kingdom (is it possible?) by our will, like me, for I feel myself an emigrant in Heaven, and these words "Jesus, the Son of Virgin Mary" I dare to leaf as my book-guide.
Even the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow, a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young: Thy altars, o Lord of Hosts, my King and My God. (Ps. 83)
My longing for Your altar brought me here to the threshold of Your House without any hope for surviving in another reality but King David did dream even though of it... it was his despair when he said this, I see it now, for this state of mind is emigration, but being alone its is not pleasant, though all around here are so gentle and kind to you as if it was your family.
And I dive again into these Jesus, the Son of Virgin Mary - I passionately catch these crumbs from your Altar, O Lord, and they move me on.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Intense Patronage
What a liturgy It was today.I can utter only this - ahh!
The anointment if each succesor to the throne takes place in the Cathedral of Assumption before these sacred images - the Holy Mother and the Christ child.
Thank you for the feather of the Fire bird.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Under Your Wings O Lord I abide and expect
1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing.
6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
Husbandman - it was a little like a discovery for me as I thought these are the different professions: one is grain-grower and another is the videdresser, as these are given in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible that I read together with the Russian one at home. I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser (John, 15-1).
But it is just a headnote because today is very special day for me indeed!..
My own secret Initiation into that is above from Bible, John, 15-1.
Yesterday before writing and sending a letter I had prayed with hot tears asking my Lord to open me the path from that ditch where I was lieing almost really half-dead.
And I started reading all the Liturgy text as it had been my praying rule.
And when I came to the point of reading Gospel - I breathed in sharply as if the next moment I would jump into the deep cold waters of the sea (space).
That act/jump differed from reading Bible at ramdom for a case (maybe this is not a good method at all I think but sometimes when all is well we might do this?) as immediately I caught the tale of the thread between God presence in that moment in the room and myself, praying and needing...
Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
And having read till up the 11 verse in the15th head, I felt how the breath was interrupted as if it was enough to stay under water without oxygen, and I came up gulping for air. I articulately penetrated the sense of it for me, for us Christians, how it is and could be the message through time (though all things within time from God direct to the main purpose and they, of course, are not separated) before the Last Supper where and when our Lord Jesus Christ first opens the practical meaning and form of what He began to speak in the 15th chapter of the Gospel of St. John.
I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing.
If a man does not abide in me he is cast forth as a branch and withers... If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples.
Reading or somehow even listening to these words yesterday I made a rapid question somewhere between the gaps of the full attention and perсeption (how?).
Today I have got already heard (heard - better to say was directed for action)the answer (specially for me as to the stupidest one) - Through Liturgy. Liturgy - this journey to Kingdom is the actualization first and foremost of what how to be administered into the Vine. And the three parts (first 2 and then the 3d, the most inportant where, without any doubts, only baptized elements of the person assist) of the Liturgy are moving towards the final transubstantiation - thus we leave the withered branches in ourselves, the branches that are yet without true Wine and in this manner are fruitless, to those which are baptized in Blood of Christ and abided - thus they become accepted and homologated into/for Kingdom. Waters of Liturgy are washing all, and maybe more those who (which are prepared to be fruitful) are yet without but with hope and every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. All the earth is prepared to enter the kingdom, and where the first elements have already being traveled into while the rest are prepared through hope and beauty. All agency is reigned by the Holy Spirit Who presents now outside the Kingdom (I will send the Holy Spirit to help you) to lead the created elements to their fullfiment: that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be perfect.
Though it is just a short description of that comprehension and presence in the air and life of that liturgy leading to the gate of the kingdom, the liturgy of your spirit which you make at and as home prayer is not easy tranferable at all, and I do hope no one finds here elements of magical practice or whatever but only a desire to understand and serve, and be with Christ, inside of Vine, of Church.
May as One, Your Wings o Lord, your Vine and Sacred Blood protect us in the Battle...
Abide in Me and I in You...John 15:4
2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing.
6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
Husbandman - it was a little like a discovery for me as I thought these are the different professions: one is grain-grower and another is the videdresser, as these are given in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible that I read together with the Russian one at home. I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser (John, 15-1).
But it is just a headnote because today is very special day for me indeed!..
My own secret Initiation into that is above from Bible, John, 15-1.
Yesterday before writing and sending a letter I had prayed with hot tears asking my Lord to open me the path from that ditch where I was lieing almost really half-dead.
And I started reading all the Liturgy text as it had been my praying rule.
And when I came to the point of reading Gospel - I breathed in sharply as if the next moment I would jump into the deep cold waters of the sea (space).
That act/jump differed from reading Bible at ramdom for a case (maybe this is not a good method at all I think but sometimes when all is well we might do this?) as immediately I caught the tale of the thread between God presence in that moment in the room and myself, praying and needing...
Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
And having read till up the 11 verse in the15th head, I felt how the breath was interrupted as if it was enough to stay under water without oxygen, and I came up gulping for air. I articulately penetrated the sense of it for me, for us Christians, how it is and could be the message through time (though all things within time from God direct to the main purpose and they, of course, are not separated) before the Last Supper where and when our Lord Jesus Christ first opens the practical meaning and form of what He began to speak in the 15th chapter of the Gospel of St. John.
I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing.
If a man does not abide in me he is cast forth as a branch and withers... If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples.
Reading or somehow even listening to these words yesterday I made a rapid question somewhere between the gaps of the full attention and perсeption (how?).
Today I have got already heard (heard - better to say was directed for action)the answer (specially for me as to the stupidest one) - Through Liturgy. Liturgy - this journey to Kingdom is the actualization first and foremost of what how to be administered into the Vine. And the three parts (first 2 and then the 3d, the most inportant where, without any doubts, only baptized elements of the person assist) of the Liturgy are moving towards the final transubstantiation - thus we leave the withered branches in ourselves, the branches that are yet without true Wine and in this manner are fruitless, to those which are baptized in Blood of Christ and abided - thus they become accepted and homologated into/for Kingdom. Waters of Liturgy are washing all, and maybe more those who (which are prepared to be fruitful) are yet without but with hope and every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. All the earth is prepared to enter the kingdom, and where the first elements have already being traveled into while the rest are prepared through hope and beauty. All agency is reigned by the Holy Spirit Who presents now outside the Kingdom (I will send the Holy Spirit to help you) to lead the created elements to their fullfiment: that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be perfect.
Though it is just a short description of that comprehension and presence in the air and life of that liturgy leading to the gate of the kingdom, the liturgy of your spirit which you make at and as home prayer is not easy tranferable at all, and I do hope no one finds here elements of magical practice or whatever but only a desire to understand and serve, and be with Christ, inside of Vine, of Church.
May as One, Your Wings o Lord, your Vine and Sacred Blood protect us in the Battle...
Abide in Me and I in You...John 15:4
Friday, July 07, 2006
Fidelity versus imagination
A mirror spumed with Luna’s golden waves. Pieces of paper floating across the big and light room - themselves like rain and birds -
Untamed youth
Frail hand
Confused by strange demand by wind and stone
Mute simplicity of goose
Water
The bell at the strings end of winter is lost
Water on oak, rough gale
Even the notes I made in the end of the book
Have fallen apart
Lost at the end
For memory or reading glass
window is wide open and the wind figures out its never-ceased steps,
Names upon the harp:
Today is Matthew Fluharty and Ted Hughes ‘Birthday Letters’ yesterday and then, its tomorrow – my waves, measuring the depth and longitude direction of sublunar sphere –
black starry nights and crying stones are thawed by the shadows of took off cedars
Untamed youth
Frail hand
Confused by strange demand by wind and stone
Mute simplicity of goose
Water
The bell at the strings end of winter is lost
Water on oak, rough gale
Even the notes I made in the end of the book
Have fallen apart
Lost at the end
For memory or reading glass
window is wide open and the wind figures out its never-ceased steps,
Names upon the harp:
Today is Matthew Fluharty and Ted Hughes ‘Birthday Letters’ yesterday and then, its tomorrow – my waves, measuring the depth and longitude direction of sublunar sphere –
black starry nights and crying stones are thawed by the shadows of took off cedars
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Transformed mirror
For to him who has will be more given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. (Matthew 13, 12)
Who are they? Those who have and who have not?
You are both.
What do we have? We have something that is hidden, the treasure. And what we take as read is the world of seemings which indeed we have not, and this - will be taken away.
That which is/was true will be given in abundance whereas the lie, which really we have not as our possession, this right to retain this "possession'' will be taken as the gilt off the gingerbread.
The interleave lies not between but inside. There is only one world which God is centupling - His own. His own, in all nature of things as He is the beginning of them. He is/was not the beginning of the Father of Lies. But He always comes off with flying colours over the world of emptiness - "but from him who has not" - even if in time we live as for granted - this will be taken away as something that is fruitless.
How and where does the fertility of that one who has been granted absolution give the benifit of his/her days and nights?
"And we all with unveiled face, (open like in a mirror) beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness, from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3, 18)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
On Deeds Inspired by Love
From Imitation of Crist by Thomas a Kempis
by John J Crawely
New York, p. 33-34
While evil may never be done for anything in the world, and therefore never for love of any man, yet, to help someone in need a good work should sometimes be omitted, or rather, a better one done in its place; for by so doing, the good work is not lost, but merely changed into better one. Without charity the work itself is of no spiritual value; but whatever is done out of charity, be it ever so small and seemingly worthless, becomes wholly fruitful. For God considers no somuch what is done, as why it is done...
Often what has the apperance of being done out of charity is really done from wordly motives; natural inclinations, self-will, hope of reward and other forms of self-interest are hard to exclude.
Whoever has true and perfect charity is never self-seeking but desires only that God's glory be served in all things...
Close the door on youself and invite Jesus
Behold I stand at the door and knock...
Revelation 3:20
by John J Crawely
New York, p. 33-34
While evil may never be done for anything in the world, and therefore never for love of any man, yet, to help someone in need a good work should sometimes be omitted, or rather, a better one done in its place; for by so doing, the good work is not lost, but merely changed into better one. Without charity the work itself is of no spiritual value; but whatever is done out of charity, be it ever so small and seemingly worthless, becomes wholly fruitful. For God considers no somuch what is done, as why it is done...
Often what has the apperance of being done out of charity is really done from wordly motives; natural inclinations, self-will, hope of reward and other forms of self-interest are hard to exclude.
Whoever has true and perfect charity is never self-seeking but desires only that God's glory be served in all things...
Close the door on youself and invite Jesus
Behold I stand at the door and knock...
Revelation 3:20
Friday, June 16, 2006
The Servant of the Lord
Oh my Lord, I cannot say nothing any more…
Reading the old testament books I always knew when there was something of you… I immediately knew it… I heard some uncreated music – each time – it can’t be mixed up with something else – it sounded like the certain voice – a little strange for our ear might be – but no, it was tuned for a person could hear – like MF waves? But we are not able to hear the waves themselves – we hear things wondering within them… Each time the prophets allude you - my heart fades out and the lines starts singing by themselves:
This is my favourite song:
1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."
(Isaiah, 42, 1-4)
John came and they cut his head.
Jesus came – he was saying nothing, he was saying nothing… heigh-ho he could so long ago give them all so final lick with the rough side of the Tongue to bend their wicked neck.
But no! but…no: the law… the prophecy? The love and obedience to Father? To people?
A bruised reed he will not break…
You said nothing for all they did with you…. But you could destroy all that collection of undesirables by one sight for so many times!!! (mystery? You have known the price of the human blood).
Your eyes – they were divine – they were the eye of God, who is seeing and hearing by Himself - You granted people with new eyes but they you left their the still small voices.
How did you veil them not to radiate so strong through all the universe?.. But they just didn’t know a Universe – so how they could be transilluminated?.. Should I have compassion on them? Should I? Ought to? No.
Withdraw me my Lord! I will never be capable. To accept their norms of life and happily-unhappily fabricated guilds of monsters!
……………………………………………
‘Let me better wash your dirty feet and your dirty steps … that you may enter the Kingdom…’
Behold my Lord, please - When one wants to clean a room – he understands what is/was the dead in his/her life and tell his/her servant to threw away all this rubbish, doesn’t he/she? Why needs to go on scavenging to be free away from it? Just they do not want to say the whole cancerous 'truth' – they do not want to release from all that smiling stuff. If I need to clean my room I say to my servant and he will throw away all I told him to do… Indeed Israel doesn’t know such faith… To my 'Servant'...
No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." (John, 13, 8)
What is here? The psychology?
Why, tell me, why people find pleasure in scavenging of their sins? Why they need to face and face into the cold meat of their past? I have only one answer: If they don’t allow the “SERVANT’ clearing their room from it then something wrong with them…. They are seeking for some their own purpose in all the process … not God’s… but some their own business.
Withdraw me my Lord!
Then need the corresponding liar-prophet – which they have already got – they are so worry of this person - and draw for me this their fabrication as their inner gest- they have for them both – I feel sick from this deux cancer for soo looong. If they are happy (or not so much) with false prophets – please why should I be under their wooden saw for all these years? And let it shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for them (Matthew 11-22)
Babylon land. I was staying there for 70 years, and they asked me to sing out for them on harps – our melodies they wanted to be heard in their land… they were sneering at us, their shoulder loops on the coats and their girls smiled… And it was physically painful for us to hear their songs – they have some unsound Aeolian mode with changing tunes from one into another after definite steps: for example – for this tune they have strong variety of steps while for Dark Ages mode they changed it into mere a I step – just one step – but o gosh how false that ring was! Either their ears didn’t hear it or they themselves were apt just for ‘namely’ this type of music. Thus, every occupational group deserves its prophet, even if it’s a false prophet.
Recall me, o Lord to your music I hear so often – even now…
They say - O Lord - for so often - but to Whom do they return their faces? They never turn face to You - though You told them about your readiness to be with them always! Servant of the Lord... as they want to be Masters by their own breed and do things by themselves while they have You. They strive for their own...
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. (John, 13)
Each time I heard the special music - it was the sound of some another language – traces of Fire Tongues …I heard in the wind…
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
6
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,
in the ships in which they took pride.
(Isaiah, 43, 1-6)
All that whole night my eyes were fountains of tears. Redeem them all, grant them all with what they all do desire so much, my Lord!
and let me, I do beg YOU, 'during their joint lives', stay in our music. To be out of that false land of their 'Beloveds'.
Reading the old testament books I always knew when there was something of you… I immediately knew it… I heard some uncreated music – each time – it can’t be mixed up with something else – it sounded like the certain voice – a little strange for our ear might be – but no, it was tuned for a person could hear – like MF waves? But we are not able to hear the waves themselves – we hear things wondering within them… Each time the prophets allude you - my heart fades out and the lines starts singing by themselves:
This is my favourite song:
1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."
(Isaiah, 42, 1-4)
John came and they cut his head.
Jesus came – he was saying nothing, he was saying nothing… heigh-ho he could so long ago give them all so final lick with the rough side of the Tongue to bend their wicked neck.
But no! but…no: the law… the prophecy? The love and obedience to Father? To people?
A bruised reed he will not break…
You said nothing for all they did with you…. But you could destroy all that collection of undesirables by one sight for so many times!!! (mystery? You have known the price of the human blood).
Your eyes – they were divine – they were the eye of God, who is seeing and hearing by Himself - You granted people with new eyes but they you left their the still small voices.
How did you veil them not to radiate so strong through all the universe?.. But they just didn’t know a Universe – so how they could be transilluminated?.. Should I have compassion on them? Should I? Ought to? No.
Withdraw me my Lord! I will never be capable. To accept their norms of life and happily-unhappily fabricated guilds of monsters!
……………………………………………
‘Let me better wash your dirty feet and your dirty steps … that you may enter the Kingdom…’
Behold my Lord, please - When one wants to clean a room – he understands what is/was the dead in his/her life and tell his/her servant to threw away all this rubbish, doesn’t he/she? Why needs to go on scavenging to be free away from it? Just they do not want to say the whole cancerous 'truth' – they do not want to release from all that smiling stuff. If I need to clean my room I say to my servant and he will throw away all I told him to do… Indeed Israel doesn’t know such faith… To my 'Servant'...
No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." (John, 13, 8)
What is here? The psychology?
Why, tell me, why people find pleasure in scavenging of their sins? Why they need to face and face into the cold meat of their past? I have only one answer: If they don’t allow the “SERVANT’ clearing their room from it then something wrong with them…. They are seeking for some their own purpose in all the process … not God’s… but some their own business.
Withdraw me my Lord!
Then need the corresponding liar-prophet – which they have already got – they are so worry of this person - and draw for me this their fabrication as their inner gest- they have for them both – I feel sick from this deux cancer for soo looong. If they are happy (or not so much) with false prophets – please why should I be under their wooden saw for all these years? And let it shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for them (Matthew 11-22)
Babylon land. I was staying there for 70 years, and they asked me to sing out for them on harps – our melodies they wanted to be heard in their land… they were sneering at us, their shoulder loops on the coats and their girls smiled… And it was physically painful for us to hear their songs – they have some unsound Aeolian mode with changing tunes from one into another after definite steps: for example – for this tune they have strong variety of steps while for Dark Ages mode they changed it into mere a I step – just one step – but o gosh how false that ring was! Either their ears didn’t hear it or they themselves were apt just for ‘namely’ this type of music. Thus, every occupational group deserves its prophet, even if it’s a false prophet.
Recall me, o Lord to your music I hear so often – even now…
They say - O Lord - for so often - but to Whom do they return their faces? They never turn face to You - though You told them about your readiness to be with them always! Servant of the Lord... as they want to be Masters by their own breed and do things by themselves while they have You. They strive for their own...
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. (John, 13)
Each time I heard the special music - it was the sound of some another language – traces of Fire Tongues …I heard in the wind…
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
6
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,
in the ships in which they took pride.
(Isaiah, 43, 1-6)
All that whole night my eyes were fountains of tears. Redeem them all, grant them all with what they all do desire so much, my Lord!
and let me, I do beg YOU, 'during their joint lives', stay in our music. To be out of that false land of their 'Beloveds'.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Test tubes and Vacancy
Thus he popped outright everyone anytime and everywhere without difference in sex and ethnic background by all accessible methods. More or less typical males behavior. Such amiability and gentilesse in some, say, reasonable extent of all sides of the nature of a gentleman, in order to be accepted as the best buck, was a wide spread among people of the last centuries. For instance Alexander Pushkin named this phenomenon ‘to lie with women’. In former times it was more acceptable by the societies – it depends only what society it was. Now the society is more pretended than it was say, in the 19th century, though they had their own tsuris.
All right then - wonderful! And what happened?
Frankly speaking I don’t understand whether he is going to change anything or not. But you know I am better. Really. Thank you, my Lord.
Its me indeed who have fucked him with this my love and he didn’t know how to get off back from me… he said ‘no’ for so many times, and in so many ways, nothing could help … but today we have a ‘wonderful’ game – he is a ‘common woman’, me is a ‘wounded husband’. Indeed feeling myself like at the surgery department - you of course know what happens with me under the sights of suppuration – I simply pass out immediately. Really. I can do dirty work, like other have to sometimes, but its so hard for me. I could immolate etc – but as much as my physical ability bear it: in childhood one day the parents brought the fresh fish at home from some journey – and they with guests sailed into the room having asked me to scale that fish (it was still alive) – I started – I was scaling for some time with horror, pouring with tears, my heart was bleeding – but in a few minutes after such our with poor fish execution I fainted – they came running terribly frighten, with words – oh dear why you didn’t tell us, that you can’t do that! We would not ask you to do this!! Indeed after it they would not. But how I was melting with their behavior that evening – as if they saw their child at the first time. I should not blame them and I do not - that such things I have to do because of circumstances I go through very deeply – not only at a mental level or some what it is commonly used as the sense of compassion – but at some my physiological level. Truly. It was always. Many other things…of various fields. Or when a girl at one hospital one day I had to stay in queue near an adult man who had something with his hand – it was all covered with something like ‘plague’ spots – and no one was interested how it was for the rest – I fell in a dead faint in a minute on the stone floor. Again all was frighten. I know there are sisters of mercy working in Africa – but O God, I know my limits – there are things I can bear but there are ‘such’ – I just can not. I can follow my husband to prison for time he needs, but if there are constant offscum and drubbing I just can not survive – not in the sense ‘oh such life is not for me’ – physically and spiritually I am ready for many hard things – but my perception of some another alive forms of life – this is something another… this is something which is out of my control – it commands – what areas, smells or pictures, it agrees to admits and in what doses but what, sooner or latter, if the source of blow-up doesn’t stop its evaporation, it just extrudes in the form it removes me from the sphere of life there. How much I can be compassionate to people or fish there. Structural test? Who performs it? God? Really?
With the family life relations the problem is that there are people who fallen in a dirty pool by mistake then get up, wash themselves and go their way further. Of course its no easy, to forget but the intention at least to do this but not to remain there must be the leading. But if a person continues sitting gladly in his dirty pool sending you with a test tube to make test from the water of the pool. Saying: " Hey Bill, hurry up and make the test of this shit I am in with all these umm my no, no, I dislike them, but good enough (damn, how sexy they are all!) girls and boys! But you run up there and come back as soon as possible with the results because I am getting sicker from it more and more for some reason!" And leaves traces that can lead others to these our films etc? Why you don’t leave this shit without probe sampling? May be the answer is in that you just like being there and you really do not see what you do?. Then what we are discussing at all? Go on and be happy: 'Creativity and amenity' as a motto, and the University court is surely supposed to offer you all the excuse.
But I am thank him for this open dialogue as never before. Though what I am able to understand with my brains from all that so rich stuff, is that he is so careful of me – even now – to cry over the wall "dear! I do not match you, and you do not match me! Can't you see this?" If all his efforts with ‘no’ were sinking in my pool of tears, then maybe this ‘no-sword’ finally occurs more effective and I can congratulate him with his success.
But speaking of people’s realization I understand that not immediately, not at once –but if person really gets this gift of love to another – he changes. He at least start changing something that mingles him, or from what he feels himself outgrowing. If you know or feel that someone (even no matter how close to you) suffers from it then do you what? wig out from it? Is this the way of bringing and getting joy for you? This sounds so emotional or something but its true, I know it from my own experience – one day I told him that when he really would fall in love one day, he would know it by the simple fact – he would transfigure. Maybe I will never know this. But it doesn’t matter. And the point is not in my broken heart, or another future for us both – but today I have passed through the same simple truth I have been hewing passage through for these years – whatever he said (more he himself confessed that his words means nothing (?!)) or emotional dance – the truth in that I have got this gift of love to him, and it is my reality (it, for instance is capable to change and transform all things around me, without even my involving or exerting any of efforts sometimes), but he continues playing (he is a master!). He will go on listening what his friends will be thinking of me or of any other girl (no matter – until he meets his real love – its no matter who she/he is and how much are her/his virtues – fallen world of shadows – what is the difference in the behavior?) or advise, you may ask - doesn’t he have his own mind or heart? No, all this ‘common place’ stuff fits him as long as - he is vacant. Unoccupied of this gift. I think its we who ask of this gift from Him. We even sometimes do not understand what we are asking about in our the deepest and the most sincere prayer…. I have learned that God always answers - for what you ask. Today I know that He answered for my prayer. Didn’t God desire me to be happy and whole? Or was that a blackmail from my side, when you at start begin something that will never hit stride up to your real needs?
Who knows in what our day is? I have sinned in my life, was so cruel with people who loved me and cared of me – but if his so horrible behavior maybe I would never see mine - I have lamented my penance (and still desire its clear light and open conversation with God). My father always was indignant with my so stick-at-it-ive behavior – when I demanded things immediately and no matter what I wanted – he always tried to fulfill all my desires – little ones? Maybe but he realized that in this field there would be a big problem sooner or later…besides all of my life I was so lazy to move hand or foot to improve something in my life. But we are indeed alike: he with this effeminacy in all he is doing - he can do only things I/he like(s). In masculine nature he is so diligent and operose in his – oh no, stop my heart, stop.
All right then - wonderful! And what happened?
Frankly speaking I don’t understand whether he is going to change anything or not. But you know I am better. Really. Thank you, my Lord.
Its me indeed who have fucked him with this my love and he didn’t know how to get off back from me… he said ‘no’ for so many times, and in so many ways, nothing could help … but today we have a ‘wonderful’ game – he is a ‘common woman’, me is a ‘wounded husband’. Indeed feeling myself like at the surgery department - you of course know what happens with me under the sights of suppuration – I simply pass out immediately. Really. I can do dirty work, like other have to sometimes, but its so hard for me. I could immolate etc – but as much as my physical ability bear it: in childhood one day the parents brought the fresh fish at home from some journey – and they with guests sailed into the room having asked me to scale that fish (it was still alive) – I started – I was scaling for some time with horror, pouring with tears, my heart was bleeding – but in a few minutes after such our with poor fish execution I fainted – they came running terribly frighten, with words – oh dear why you didn’t tell us, that you can’t do that! We would not ask you to do this!! Indeed after it they would not. But how I was melting with their behavior that evening – as if they saw their child at the first time. I should not blame them and I do not - that such things I have to do because of circumstances I go through very deeply – not only at a mental level or some what it is commonly used as the sense of compassion – but at some my physiological level. Truly. It was always. Many other things…of various fields. Or when a girl at one hospital one day I had to stay in queue near an adult man who had something with his hand – it was all covered with something like ‘plague’ spots – and no one was interested how it was for the rest – I fell in a dead faint in a minute on the stone floor. Again all was frighten. I know there are sisters of mercy working in Africa – but O God, I know my limits – there are things I can bear but there are ‘such’ – I just can not. I can follow my husband to prison for time he needs, but if there are constant offscum and drubbing I just can not survive – not in the sense ‘oh such life is not for me’ – physically and spiritually I am ready for many hard things – but my perception of some another alive forms of life – this is something another… this is something which is out of my control – it commands – what areas, smells or pictures, it agrees to admits and in what doses but what, sooner or latter, if the source of blow-up doesn’t stop its evaporation, it just extrudes in the form it removes me from the sphere of life there. How much I can be compassionate to people or fish there. Structural test? Who performs it? God? Really?
With the family life relations the problem is that there are people who fallen in a dirty pool by mistake then get up, wash themselves and go their way further. Of course its no easy, to forget but the intention at least to do this but not to remain there must be the leading. But if a person continues sitting gladly in his dirty pool sending you with a test tube to make test from the water of the pool. Saying: " Hey Bill, hurry up and make the test of this shit I am in with all these umm my no, no, I dislike them, but good enough (damn, how sexy they are all!) girls and boys! But you run up there and come back as soon as possible with the results because I am getting sicker from it more and more for some reason!" And leaves traces that can lead others to these our films etc? Why you don’t leave this shit without probe sampling? May be the answer is in that you just like being there and you really do not see what you do?. Then what we are discussing at all? Go on and be happy: 'Creativity and amenity' as a motto, and the University court is surely supposed to offer you all the excuse.
But I am thank him for this open dialogue as never before. Though what I am able to understand with my brains from all that so rich stuff, is that he is so careful of me – even now – to cry over the wall "dear! I do not match you, and you do not match me! Can't you see this?" If all his efforts with ‘no’ were sinking in my pool of tears, then maybe this ‘no-sword’ finally occurs more effective and I can congratulate him with his success.
But speaking of people’s realization I understand that not immediately, not at once –but if person really gets this gift of love to another – he changes. He at least start changing something that mingles him, or from what he feels himself outgrowing. If you know or feel that someone (even no matter how close to you) suffers from it then do you what? wig out from it? Is this the way of bringing and getting joy for you? This sounds so emotional or something but its true, I know it from my own experience – one day I told him that when he really would fall in love one day, he would know it by the simple fact – he would transfigure. Maybe I will never know this. But it doesn’t matter. And the point is not in my broken heart, or another future for us both – but today I have passed through the same simple truth I have been hewing passage through for these years – whatever he said (more he himself confessed that his words means nothing (?!)) or emotional dance – the truth in that I have got this gift of love to him, and it is my reality (it, for instance is capable to change and transform all things around me, without even my involving or exerting any of efforts sometimes), but he continues playing (he is a master!). He will go on listening what his friends will be thinking of me or of any other girl (no matter – until he meets his real love – its no matter who she/he is and how much are her/his virtues – fallen world of shadows – what is the difference in the behavior?) or advise, you may ask - doesn’t he have his own mind or heart? No, all this ‘common place’ stuff fits him as long as - he is vacant. Unoccupied of this gift. I think its we who ask of this gift from Him. We even sometimes do not understand what we are asking about in our the deepest and the most sincere prayer…. I have learned that God always answers - for what you ask. Today I know that He answered for my prayer. Didn’t God desire me to be happy and whole? Or was that a blackmail from my side, when you at start begin something that will never hit stride up to your real needs?
Who knows in what our day is? I have sinned in my life, was so cruel with people who loved me and cared of me – but if his so horrible behavior maybe I would never see mine - I have lamented my penance (and still desire its clear light and open conversation with God). My father always was indignant with my so stick-at-it-ive behavior – when I demanded things immediately and no matter what I wanted – he always tried to fulfill all my desires – little ones? Maybe but he realized that in this field there would be a big problem sooner or later…besides all of my life I was so lazy to move hand or foot to improve something in my life. But we are indeed alike: he with this effeminacy in all he is doing - he can do only things I/he like(s). In masculine nature he is so diligent and operose in his – oh no, stop my heart, stop.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Truth
I knew only that there is nothing more irritating for a soul, than a limitless and devoted love of a person whose 'such' love we are so 'unworthy'.
When a person says about incapacity for love with some one - this IS the end - because its just the polite manner (even not to hurt onself) of saying - "How I am tired from your love and all your being! I would be so free and happy without YOU! Let I even fail with my dear friend, (you don't know her like me - she is wonderful and so dear for me) but I dream today of the future coming and in this future there will no a person with denunciative looks etc. There will not be a person who remembers my bad behaviour and what is the most important there will no the person who had to fogive me... for my unfaithfulness. My Infidelity was a concious act - I met a person of my real dream, not you, but humble, and simple and interesting from all sides. Just I need something another where I will be more succesful and right...and less wrong, more attentive to my needs, kind, speakable, a good prayer and oh how many virtues she has against you".
We do want to keep our 'past'face before that person, to keep may be something that could some tail of the passing train for him (this is our little farwell present)
that we just have to say worser about ourselves, (nothing for us indeed but so much for another) than to say openly the truth.
When a person says about incapacity for love with some one - this IS the end - because its just the polite manner (even not to hurt onself) of saying - "How I am tired from your love and all your being! I would be so free and happy without YOU! Let I even fail with my dear friend, (you don't know her like me - she is wonderful and so dear for me) but I dream today of the future coming and in this future there will no a person with denunciative looks etc. There will not be a person who remembers my bad behaviour and what is the most important there will no the person who had to fogive me... for my unfaithfulness. My Infidelity was a concious act - I met a person of my real dream, not you, but humble, and simple and interesting from all sides. Just I need something another where I will be more succesful and right...and less wrong, more attentive to my needs, kind, speakable, a good prayer and oh how many virtues she has against you".
We do want to keep our 'past'face before that person, to keep may be something that could some tail of the passing train for him (this is our little farwell present)
that we just have to say worser about ourselves, (nothing for us indeed but so much for another) than to say openly the truth.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Le Printemps by Millet Jean Francouis....and Breton. And art of life in the reality of 'un refus courtois'. Oh sorry, yes, Sisley of course too. People can be mistaken, and this is not a sin. Corteous abandoning, declinature - it is what is so hard for people to do - maybe it would help me if I could live with what how it is for God?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Orestes - a hero or a madman?
My dear Musing Eurediche was so frighten with my yesterday 'birthday' that tried to confort me with some play. I can say - she succeded. Here is a our interview.
(The Street noice of a big city)
M. E. Excuse me, can you share a few minutes of your valuable time, madam, with me?
P. Yes, but if you are not very proud of your business! (laughing)
E. Hm, all right. I won’t be very. It’s a poll for “An Ideal Husband” program. Are you married?
P. No, I am divorced.
E. Do you, did you intend to be married again?
P. No.
E. But you are so womanly, don’t you really seek for a person you could be together each moment in your life? If anyway you dream of it, what virtues you would expect from your husband and what you could give in return?
P. (pause) OK. I would say the modernity of love life, even virtual, isn’t my fair but I will say. First when you say “I want this and that, because I can give this and that” and “He must, ought to, or be so marvelous if, give this or that’ – in the idea itself of such discussion you agree with some the most incorrect thing existing. When you let yourself such ‘preposition’ you put yourself on one scale whereas on the another there will be not your ‘ideal husband’ – but some another comparing entity. Either being virtual or idealized or simplified but compared and limited led to the bow before another who would bring, could give ‘this or that unthinkable treasures’. You following this path fall into the trap of comparison, to this sin of modernity completely independent from love and having nothing in common with God. With any forms of comparison you are allowed compare your partner within all layers of life and sense. An accepting the formulations you let mislead you with the supposition of an existing some big board where you ‘can’ put your wonderful half, your poor creature with a row of some another people. This is a very bad manner of thinking and acting but alas – people do this… you complete fail in all cases. Such equation, such modeling deprive a person –his/her personality
The socialistic manner of its vicious ‘being’. I could not understand only one thing – how such things can have success in the countries of EC? Comparison is a slant, a bias, a sin produced its other subsidiaries – envy, malice, hate etc. I would say there is nothing is more sinful like this virtual ‘equal rights’ and comparison.
E. Oh I can resume that you are very good at giving reasons why you do not want to speak about you possible marriage… But would you think that a comparison have also its good frame – well, the competition, for example? Eh?
P. I think, comparison is never a challenge or encouragement while the completion might sponsor. In completion the person can reveal his/her talents…
E. In what way?
P. By God’s putting tasks in your everyday life – and more in all dimensions – God by Himself reveals your gifts one by one and you open them all in from of Him. But comparison is settled by people and for their own egoistic purposes – speaking of males the breach of faith often finds its deep roots in the Orestes complex – a desire of the son to kill his mother etc. Well but its already become boring when a matter touches the psychology area I sleep as if the night comes. (Laughing)
E. Don’t like Psychology? Emm me too… but speaking of comparison could you admit that your ‘husband’, well just as an idea, can wait from you some interest in competition?
P. Again, yes, regarding competition I have no objections – but I have against its modern surrogate. In church for instance people are often invited to some groups where the immeasurable love of God discussed – so immeasurable that nearly blur out all distinctions – and stupid people gladly apply this to their private live practice etc.
E. Well, well, well, its just an interview, isn't it? However its so interesting to speak with you – though you are like from the Greek mythology, one of Erinyes? (smiling). Will you let me some another interview some day anyway?
P. Will you come with all editorial staff and free-lance translators with their pocket-size tape recorderes? Feel yourself absolutely free!
E. Oh thank you, thank you ever so much!
Poor Orestes....
(The Street noice of a big city)
M. E. Excuse me, can you share a few minutes of your valuable time, madam, with me?
P. Yes, but if you are not very proud of your business! (laughing)
E. Hm, all right. I won’t be very. It’s a poll for “An Ideal Husband” program. Are you married?
P. No, I am divorced.
E. Do you, did you intend to be married again?
P. No.
E. But you are so womanly, don’t you really seek for a person you could be together each moment in your life? If anyway you dream of it, what virtues you would expect from your husband and what you could give in return?
P. (pause) OK. I would say the modernity of love life, even virtual, isn’t my fair but I will say. First when you say “I want this and that, because I can give this and that” and “He must, ought to, or be so marvelous if, give this or that’ – in the idea itself of such discussion you agree with some the most incorrect thing existing. When you let yourself such ‘preposition’ you put yourself on one scale whereas on the another there will be not your ‘ideal husband’ – but some another comparing entity. Either being virtual or idealized or simplified but compared and limited led to the bow before another who would bring, could give ‘this or that unthinkable treasures’. You following this path fall into the trap of comparison, to this sin of modernity completely independent from love and having nothing in common with God. With any forms of comparison you are allowed compare your partner within all layers of life and sense. An accepting the formulations you let mislead you with the supposition of an existing some big board where you ‘can’ put your wonderful half, your poor creature with a row of some another people. This is a very bad manner of thinking and acting but alas – people do this… you complete fail in all cases. Such equation, such modeling deprive a person –his/her personality
The socialistic manner of its vicious ‘being’. I could not understand only one thing – how such things can have success in the countries of EC? Comparison is a slant, a bias, a sin produced its other subsidiaries – envy, malice, hate etc. I would say there is nothing is more sinful like this virtual ‘equal rights’ and comparison.
E. Oh I can resume that you are very good at giving reasons why you do not want to speak about you possible marriage… But would you think that a comparison have also its good frame – well, the competition, for example? Eh?
P. I think, comparison is never a challenge or encouragement while the completion might sponsor. In completion the person can reveal his/her talents…
E. In what way?
P. By God’s putting tasks in your everyday life – and more in all dimensions – God by Himself reveals your gifts one by one and you open them all in from of Him. But comparison is settled by people and for their own egoistic purposes – speaking of males the breach of faith often finds its deep roots in the Orestes complex – a desire of the son to kill his mother etc. Well but its already become boring when a matter touches the psychology area I sleep as if the night comes. (Laughing)
E. Don’t like Psychology? Emm me too… but speaking of comparison could you admit that your ‘husband’, well just as an idea, can wait from you some interest in competition?
P. Again, yes, regarding competition I have no objections – but I have against its modern surrogate. In church for instance people are often invited to some groups where the immeasurable love of God discussed – so immeasurable that nearly blur out all distinctions – and stupid people gladly apply this to their private live practice etc.
E. Well, well, well, its just an interview, isn't it? However its so interesting to speak with you – though you are like from the Greek mythology, one of Erinyes? (smiling). Will you let me some another interview some day anyway?
P. Will you come with all editorial staff and free-lance translators with their pocket-size tape recorderes? Feel yourself absolutely free!
E. Oh thank you, thank you ever so much!
Poor Orestes....
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
A lion has roared! Who will not fear?
A lion has roared! Who will not fear? Or also there is no smoke without fire, I would say.
Some people, like poor Chelentano may chop woods – I have no ax, and no fireplace so lacking of chopping woods, and besides I am a woman, I read Bible. Go on reading Bible. Prophets Amos, Michah, Nahum, Habakkuk. Was thinking of this lion roar for the third day. Amos 3. Indeed its true – a lion roars before the prey – a wonderful formula. After doing a little labour, have found an interesting site today:
http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/3003.htm
1. (1-2) God’s love and care for Israel makes their judgment unavoidable.
Hear this word that the LORD has spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying: “You only have I known of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities.”
2. (3-6) The inescapable logic of God’s judgment.
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? Will a lion roar in the forest, when he has no prey? Will a young lion cry out of his den, if he has caught nothing? Will a bird fall into a snare on the earth, where there is no trap for it? Will a snare spring up from the earth, if it has caught nothing at all? If a trumpet is blown in a city, will not the people be afraid? If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?
a. Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? In this section, Amos connects six statements that are obvious true. In our manner of speaking he might have said, “Is the Pope Catholic?”
b. If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it? The six statements of the obvious lead into a seventh statement, each one reinforcing this final point. When judgment comes against the cities of Israel, everyone should know that it was the LORD who has done it. It won’t be an accident, fate, or “bad luck.” It will be the hand of the LORD.
Yes, all all my people of Israel should know His will – all parts of all my ‘bodies’, inners and outers should follow His
And love this!
3. (7-8) The inevitable message of the prophet.
Surely the Lord GOD does nothing, unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. A lion has roared! Who will not fear? The Lord GOD has spoken! Who can but prophesy?
Amos is saying, “Don’t blame me. I’m only the messenger.” As natural as it is for a man to fear when a lion roars, that is how natural it is for the prophet to prophesy when the Lord GOD has spoken.
Though the site gives some another meaning – I noticed that my methodology of reading the Bible is not fallacy – more I can open so many doors here as if I have some golden key…
If so many doors are open in your absence – oh how many I would have had in your presence.
Some people, like poor Chelentano may chop woods – I have no ax, and no fireplace so lacking of chopping woods, and besides I am a woman, I read Bible. Go on reading Bible. Prophets Amos, Michah, Nahum, Habakkuk. Was thinking of this lion roar for the third day. Amos 3. Indeed its true – a lion roars before the prey – a wonderful formula. After doing a little labour, have found an interesting site today:
http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/3003.htm
1. (1-2) God’s love and care for Israel makes their judgment unavoidable.
Hear this word that the LORD has spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying: “You only have I known of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities.”
2. (3-6) The inescapable logic of God’s judgment.
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? Will a lion roar in the forest, when he has no prey? Will a young lion cry out of his den, if he has caught nothing? Will a bird fall into a snare on the earth, where there is no trap for it? Will a snare spring up from the earth, if it has caught nothing at all? If a trumpet is blown in a city, will not the people be afraid? If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?
a. Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? In this section, Amos connects six statements that are obvious true. In our manner of speaking he might have said, “Is the Pope Catholic?”
b. If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it? The six statements of the obvious lead into a seventh statement, each one reinforcing this final point. When judgment comes against the cities of Israel, everyone should know that it was the LORD who has done it. It won’t be an accident, fate, or “bad luck.” It will be the hand of the LORD.
Yes, all all my people of Israel should know His will – all parts of all my ‘bodies’, inners and outers should follow His
And love this!
3. (7-8) The inevitable message of the prophet.
Surely the Lord GOD does nothing, unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. A lion has roared! Who will not fear? The Lord GOD has spoken! Who can but prophesy?
Amos is saying, “Don’t blame me. I’m only the messenger.” As natural as it is for a man to fear when a lion roars, that is how natural it is for the prophet to prophesy when the Lord GOD has spoken.
Though the site gives some another meaning – I noticed that my methodology of reading the Bible is not fallacy – more I can open so many doors here as if I have some golden key…
If so many doors are open in your absence – oh how many I would have had in your presence.
Monday, May 29, 2006
To fire man
Things I am so tired of: absence, jelousy, lie, numbers
Things I both desire and am afraid of: presence, making love, home internet, words
Things I both desire and am afraid of: presence, making love, home internet, words
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
On 'mode of immobile being'
How is the immobile time living? How does it correlate with the Heart? Maybe when I feel it as immobile sense it gets then a chance for God to give a taste of quality? In silence and prayer, in my everyday delivery your will is being revealed…After taste…
The word theatre shares the same root as the word theory. Theoria means 'to look at attentively'
But when applied?
An idea is an image. Unlike the other senses of smell, touch and taste. There does appear to be a complicated relationship between sight and language. But smell doesn't appear to share quite the same press coverage. For others it is a sense without an image. The ability to visualize something internally is closely related to the ability to describe it verbally. Verbal and written descriptions create highly emotive images. The link between vision, memory and verbalization can be quite startling. As smell has a hidden agenda.
I love the smell of my skin – and you? Are you able to hear this simple confession of nature?
'Too much for love', he said...
Today all this 'belongs to a sphere beyond tragedy’. A sphere of 'tears-in-a-bottle' mobile being... Only once in my life I heard the smell of that conjugated with the smell of mine. Though in a distance it was but enough to rejoice with hope! I understand and concede that mind could be mistaken but the nature of a woman? This unconscious but eternal act of accepting or escape given through the traces of the deepest story of previous and future worlds? This code to the Other which only your only-begotten being is able to watch?
The smell of my skin, the smell of wind and morning, the smell of river and white flowers, the smell of milk and I do not know what it could for you, which always feels itself at home even with a guest... with my favourite French perfume. The smell of freedom and hope that naturally inbound with my Persephone.
Sometimes she writes letters. Here is one in style of Stern.
"Dear Alois,
Only you were not raving for such things. When you cut my head off with this favourite (since what time?) 'gosh' (never could see how people can recall this?)and then can not realize the fact how it is possible for one person to have so much blood flowing after your intended open desire just to kill. You never could understand about my silence from time to time? How, tell me, how a person could articulate or write something when you cut masterly, all his/her fingers, one by one, with what should I have been writing? With the tongue or toes? Yes? Sorry, no, dear I prefer more traditional modes of affair. With hands, fingers, smiles, kisses, flowers and scented letters.
You do not admire with such things like the smell of skin or something. Today you feel yourself so offended because of the fact your last playmate kept silence for so long? How you cannot understand, my dear boy, that if you kill the lady – she is not able to reply anymore. Its not beautiful of course, but so simple truth. All the dead ladies, whom you call the ‘gators’, have the same smell. And speaking of wonderful Christmas jokes, no doubts there are many jokes about butchers who are dreaming themselves as gifted vegetarians.
Faithfully yours,
St.
P. S. "Lord make me a channel of your peace
When I am depressed show me compassion
and do it with ease.
Let me see that there is more in life then just me
Fill me to the brim and only mercy let me see".
From Nancy
The word theatre shares the same root as the word theory. Theoria means 'to look at attentively'
But when applied?
An idea is an image. Unlike the other senses of smell, touch and taste. There does appear to be a complicated relationship between sight and language. But smell doesn't appear to share quite the same press coverage. For others it is a sense without an image. The ability to visualize something internally is closely related to the ability to describe it verbally. Verbal and written descriptions create highly emotive images. The link between vision, memory and verbalization can be quite startling. As smell has a hidden agenda.
I love the smell of my skin – and you? Are you able to hear this simple confession of nature?
'Too much for love', he said...
Today all this 'belongs to a sphere beyond tragedy’. A sphere of 'tears-in-a-bottle' mobile being... Only once in my life I heard the smell of that conjugated with the smell of mine. Though in a distance it was but enough to rejoice with hope! I understand and concede that mind could be mistaken but the nature of a woman? This unconscious but eternal act of accepting or escape given through the traces of the deepest story of previous and future worlds? This code to the Other which only your only-begotten being is able to watch?
The smell of my skin, the smell of wind and morning, the smell of river and white flowers, the smell of milk and I do not know what it could for you, which always feels itself at home even with a guest... with my favourite French perfume. The smell of freedom and hope that naturally inbound with my Persephone.
Sometimes she writes letters. Here is one in style of Stern.
"Dear Alois,
Only you were not raving for such things. When you cut my head off with this favourite (since what time?) 'gosh' (never could see how people can recall this?)and then can not realize the fact how it is possible for one person to have so much blood flowing after your intended open desire just to kill. You never could understand about my silence from time to time? How, tell me, how a person could articulate or write something when you cut masterly, all his/her fingers, one by one, with what should I have been writing? With the tongue or toes? Yes? Sorry, no, dear I prefer more traditional modes of affair. With hands, fingers, smiles, kisses, flowers and scented letters.
You do not admire with such things like the smell of skin or something. Today you feel yourself so offended because of the fact your last playmate kept silence for so long? How you cannot understand, my dear boy, that if you kill the lady – she is not able to reply anymore. Its not beautiful of course, but so simple truth. All the dead ladies, whom you call the ‘gators’, have the same smell. And speaking of wonderful Christmas jokes, no doubts there are many jokes about butchers who are dreaming themselves as gifted vegetarians.
Faithfully yours,
St.
P. S. "Lord make me a channel of your peace
When I am depressed show me compassion
and do it with ease.
Let me see that there is more in life then just me
Fill me to the brim and only mercy let me see".
From Nancy
Friday, May 19, 2006
Old and ever wise Enlightenment
"A man often believes he is leading when he is [actually being] led; while his mind seeks one goal, his heart unknowingly drags him towards another."
"In all aspects of life, we take on a part and an appearance to seem to be what we wish to be [seen as]--and thus the world is merely composed of actors."
François de La Rochefoucauld
"In all aspects of life, we take on a part and an appearance to seem to be what we wish to be [seen as]--and thus the world is merely composed of actors."
François de La Rochefoucauld
Friday, May 12, 2006
ee cummings land
So fine dancing lines bringing me peace tonight - with their loose words connectings and air. This is as if you find yourself in a room lit with the floorlamp where you may cruise dressed in night robe without a fright to be caught by someone's from another world eye. A feeling of protection. A feeling of protection... Perhaps this should be the strongest christian feeling.
anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did.
women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain
children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more
when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her
someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then) they
said their nevers they slept their dream
stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)
one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was
all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.
women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain
e. e. cummings
anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did.
women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain
children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more
when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her
someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then) they
said their nevers they slept their dream
stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)
one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was
all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.
women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain
e. e. cummings
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Joy we need
“Lewis … is the ideal persuader for the half convinced, for the good man who would like to be Christian but finds his intellect getting in the way…Lewis will always steady the waverer, convert the soul ready for conversion… yet joy exists, and there has to be a source. When we find the source, which is God, we may not need joy anymore. Not, that is, till we get down to the serious business of heaven…” (New-York Times, 1977 ref. Journals of Al. Shmemann)
I admired here with the idea that when we will find God, perhaps we would change that joy we needed in journey, we will lose the sense of its color we have being beyond God. Indeed its seeing true – when you are thirsty you have one strong feeling to reach the water and when later you come to the spring and drink fill – what do you feel? Some another faint that thirsty is/was – the same with joy and God? Who can tell me what we will be watching in Glory? I think nobody as It is for each.... My Mystery and Warmth, my soul and sea, shells and green waves - but it was not the Glory - just some memory of the joy I have ever experienced.
I admired here with the idea that when we will find God, perhaps we would change that joy we needed in journey, we will lose the sense of its color we have being beyond God. Indeed its seeing true – when you are thirsty you have one strong feeling to reach the water and when later you come to the spring and drink fill – what do you feel? Some another faint that thirsty is/was – the same with joy and God? Who can tell me what we will be watching in Glory? I think nobody as It is for each.... My Mystery and Warmth, my soul and sea, shells and green waves - but it was not the Glory - just some memory of the joy I have ever experienced.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)