Transformed mirror

For to him who has will be more given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. (Matthew 13, 12)


Who are they? Those who have and who have not?
You are both.

What do we have? We have something that is hidden, the treasure. And what we take as read is the world of seemings which indeed we have not, and this - will be taken away.

That which is/was true will be given in abundance whereas the lie, which really we have not as our possession, this right to retain this "possession'' will be taken as the gilt off the gingerbread.

The interleave lies not between but inside. There is only one world which God is centupling - His own. His own, in all nature of things as He is the beginning of them. He is/was not the beginning of the Father of Lies. But He always comes off with flying colours over the world of emptiness - "but from him who has not" - even if in time we live as for granted - this will be taken away as something that is fruitless.

How and where does the fertility of that one who has been granted absolution give the benifit of his/her days and nights?

"And we all with unveiled face, (open like in a mirror) beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness, from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3, 18)

On Deeds Inspired by Love

From Imitation of Crist by Thomas a Kempis

by John J Crawely
New York, p. 33-34

While evil may never be done for anything in the world, and therefore never for love of any man, yet, to help someone in need a good work should sometimes be omitted, or rather, a better one done in its place; for by so doing, the good work is not lost, but merely changed into better one. Without charity the work itself is of no spiritual value; but whatever is done out of charity, be it ever so small and seemingly worthless, becomes wholly fruitful. For God considers no somuch what is done, as why it is done...

Often what has the apperance of being done out of charity is really done from wordly motives; natural inclinations, self-will, hope of reward and other forms of self-interest are hard to exclude.

Whoever has true and perfect charity is never self-seeking but desires only that God's glory be served in all things...


Close the door on youself and invite Jesus




Behold I stand at the door and knock...
Revelation 3:20

The Servant of the Lord

Oh my Lord, I cannot say nothing any more…

Reading the old testament books I always knew when there was something of you… I immediately knew it… I heard some uncreated music – each time – it can’t be mixed up with something else – it sounded like the certain voice – a little strange for our ear might be – but no, it was tuned for a person could hear – like MF waves? But we are not able to hear the waves themselves – we hear things wondering within them… Each time the prophets allude you - my heart fades out and the lines starts singing by themselves:

This is my favourite song:
1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."

(Isaiah, 42, 1-4)


John came and they cut his head.

Jesus came – he was saying nothing, he was saying nothing… heigh-ho he could so long ago give them all so final lick with the rough side of the Tongue to bend their wicked neck.

But no! but…no: the law… the prophecy? The love and obedience to Father? To people?

A bruised reed he will not break…

You said nothing for all they did with you…. But you could destroy all that collection of undesirables by one sight for so many times!!! (mystery? You have known the price of the human blood).

Your eyes – they were divine – they were the eye of God, who is seeing and hearing by Himself - You granted people with new eyes but they you left their the still small voices.

How did you veil them not to radiate so strong through all the universe?.. But they just didn’t know a Universe – so how they could be transilluminated?.. Should I have compassion on them? Should I? Ought to? No.

Withdraw me my Lord! I will never be capable. To accept their norms of life and happily-unhappily fabricated guilds of monsters!

……………………………………………

‘Let me better wash your dirty feet and your dirty steps … that you may enter the Kingdom…’

Behold my Lord, please - When one wants to clean a room – he understands what is/was the dead in his/her life and tell his/her servant to threw away all this rubbish, doesn’t he/she? Why needs to go on scavenging to be free away from it? Just they do not want to say the whole cancerous 'truth' – they do not want to release from all that smiling stuff. If I need to clean my room I say to my servant and he will throw away all I told him to do… Indeed Israel doesn’t know such faith… To my 'Servant'...

No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." (John, 13, 8)

What is here? The psychology?

Why, tell me, why people find pleasure in scavenging of their sins? Why they need to face and face into the cold meat of their past? I have only one answer: If they don’t allow the “SERVANT’ clearing their room from it then something wrong with them…. They are seeking for some their own purpose in all the process … not God’s… but some their own business.

Withdraw me my Lord!

Then need the corresponding liar-prophet – which they have already got – they are so worry of this person - and draw for me this their fabrication as their inner gest- they have for them both – I feel sick from this deux cancer for soo looong. If they are happy (or not so much) with false prophets – please why should I be under their wooden saw for all these years? And let it shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for them (Matthew 11-22)

Babylon land. I was staying there for 70 years, and they asked me to sing out for them on harps – our melodies they wanted to be heard in their land… they were sneering at us, their shoulder loops on the coats and their girls smiled… And it was physically painful for us to hear their songs – they have some unsound Aeolian mode with changing tunes from one into another after definite steps: for example – for this tune they have strong variety of steps while for Dark Ages mode they changed it into mere a I step – just one step – but o gosh how false that ring was! Either their ears didn’t hear it or they themselves were apt just for ‘namely’ this type of music. Thus, every occupational group deserves its prophet, even if it’s a false prophet.

Recall me, o Lord to your music I hear so often – even now…

They say - O Lord - for so often - but to Whom do they return their faces? They never turn face to You - though You told them about your readiness to be with them always! Servant of the Lord... as they want to be Masters by their own breed and do things by themselves while they have You. They strive for their own...

10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. (John, 13)


Each time I heard the special music - it was the sound of some another language – traces of Fire Tongues …I heard in the wind…

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
6
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-


This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,
in the ships in which they took pride.

(Isaiah, 43, 1-6)

All that whole night my eyes were fountains of tears. Redeem them all, grant them all with what they all do desire so much, my Lord!

and let me, I do beg YOU, 'during their joint lives', stay in our music. To be out of that false land of their 'Beloveds'.

Test tubes and Vacancy

Thus he popped outright everyone anytime and everywhere without difference in sex and ethnic background by all accessible methods. More or less typical males behavior. Such amiability and gentilesse in some, say, reasonable extent of all sides of the nature of a gentleman, in order to be accepted as the best buck, was a wide spread among people of the last centuries. For instance Alexander Pushkin named this phenomenon ‘to lie with women’. In former times it was more acceptable by the societies – it depends only what society it was. Now the society is more pretended than it was say, in the 19th century, though they had their own tsuris.

All right then - wonderful! And what happened?

Frankly speaking I don’t understand whether he is going to change anything or not. But you know I am better. Really. Thank you, my Lord.

Its me indeed who have fucked him with this my love and he didn’t know how to get off back from me… he said ‘no’ for so many times, and in so many ways, nothing could help … but today we have a ‘wonderful’ game – he is a ‘common woman’, me is a ‘wounded husband’. Indeed feeling myself like at the surgery department - you of course know what happens with me under the sights of suppuration – I simply pass out immediately. Really. I can do dirty work, like other have to sometimes, but its so hard for me. I could immolate etc – but as much as my physical ability bear it: in childhood one day the parents brought the fresh fish at home from some journey – and they with guests sailed into the room having asked me to scale that fish (it was still alive) – I started – I was scaling for some time with horror, pouring with tears, my heart was bleeding – but in a few minutes after such our with poor fish execution I fainted – they came running terribly frighten, with words – oh dear why you didn’t tell us, that you can’t do that! We would not ask you to do this!! Indeed after it they would not. But how I was melting with their behavior that evening – as if they saw their child at the first time. I should not blame them and I do not - that such things I have to do because of circumstances I go through very deeply – not only at a mental level or some what it is commonly used as the sense of compassion – but at some my physiological level. Truly. It was always. Many other things…of various fields. Or when a girl at one hospital one day I had to stay in queue near an adult man who had something with his hand – it was all covered with something like ‘plague’ spots – and no one was interested how it was for the rest – I fell in a dead faint in a minute on the stone floor. Again all was frighten. I know there are sisters of mercy working in Africa – but O God, I know my limits – there are things I can bear but there are ‘such’ – I just can not. I can follow my husband to prison for time he needs, but if there are constant offscum and drubbing I just can not survive – not in the sense ‘oh such life is not for me’ – physically and spiritually I am ready for many hard things – but my perception of some another alive forms of life – this is something another… this is something which is out of my control – it commands – what areas, smells or pictures, it agrees to admits and in what doses but what, sooner or latter, if the source of blow-up doesn’t stop its evaporation, it just extrudes in the form it removes me from the sphere of life there. How much I can be compassionate to people or fish there. Structural test? Who performs it? God? Really?

With the family life relations the problem is that there are people who fallen in a dirty pool by mistake then get up, wash themselves and go their way further. Of course its no easy, to forget but the intention at least to do this but not to remain there must be the leading. But if a person continues sitting gladly in his dirty pool sending you with a test tube to make test from the water of the pool. Saying: " Hey Bill, hurry up and make the test of this shit I am in with all these umm my no, no, I dislike them, but good enough (damn, how sexy they are all!) girls and boys! But you run up there and come back as soon as possible with the results because I am getting sicker from it more and more for some reason!" And leaves traces that can lead others to these our films etc? Why you don’t leave this shit without probe sampling? May be the answer is in that you just like being there and you really do not see what you do?. Then what we are discussing at all? Go on and be happy: 'Creativity and amenity' as a motto, and the University court is surely supposed to offer you all the excuse.

But I am thank him for this open dialogue as never before. Though what I am able to understand with my brains from all that so rich stuff, is that he is so careful of me – even now – to cry over the wall "dear! I do not match you, and you do not match me! Can't you see this?" If all his efforts with ‘no’ were sinking in my pool of tears, then maybe this ‘no-sword’ finally occurs more effective and I can congratulate him with his success.

But speaking of people’s realization I understand that not immediately, not at once –but if person really gets this gift of love to another – he changes. He at least start changing something that mingles him, or from what he feels himself outgrowing. If you know or feel that someone (even no matter how close to you) suffers from it then do you what? wig out from it? Is this the way of bringing and getting joy for you? This sounds so emotional or something but its true, I know it from my own experience – one day I told him that when he really would fall in love one day, he would know it by the simple fact – he would transfigure. Maybe I will never know this. But it doesn’t matter. And the point is not in my broken heart, or another future for us both – but today I have passed through the same simple truth I have been hewing passage through for these years – whatever he said (more he himself confessed that his words means nothing (?!)) or emotional dance – the truth in that I have got this gift of love to him, and it is my reality (it, for instance is capable to change and transform all things around me, without even my involving or exerting any of efforts sometimes), but he continues playing (he is a master!). He will go on listening what his friends will be thinking of me or of any other girl (no matter – until he meets his real love – its no matter who she/he is and how much are her/his virtues – fallen world of shadows – what is the difference in the behavior?) or advise, you may ask - doesn’t he have his own mind or heart? No, all this ‘common place’ stuff fits him as long as - he is vacant. Unoccupied of this gift. I think its we who ask of this gift from Him. We even sometimes do not understand what we are asking about in our the deepest and the most sincere prayer…. I have learned that God always answers - for what you ask. Today I know that He answered for my prayer. Didn’t God desire me to be happy and whole? Or was that a blackmail from my side, when you at start begin something that will never hit stride up to your real needs?

Who knows in what our day is? I have sinned in my life, was so cruel with people who loved me and cared of me – but if his so horrible behavior maybe I would never see mine - I have lamented my penance (and still desire its clear light and open conversation with God). My father always was indignant with my so stick-at-it-ive behavior – when I demanded things immediately and no matter what I wanted – he always tried to fulfill all my desires – little ones? Maybe but he realized that in this field there would be a big problem sooner or later…besides all of my life I was so lazy to move hand or foot to improve something in my life. But we are indeed alike: he with this effeminacy in all he is doing - he can do only things I/he like(s). In masculine nature he is so diligent and operose in his – oh no, stop my heart, stop.

Truth

I knew only that there is nothing more irritating for a soul, than a limitless and devoted love of a person whose 'such' love we are so 'unworthy'.

When a person says about incapacity for love with some one - this IS the end - because its just the polite manner (even not to hurt onself) of saying - "How I am tired from your love and all your being! I would be so free and happy without YOU! Let I even fail with my dear friend, (you don't know her like me - she is wonderful and so dear for me) but I dream today of the future coming and in this future there will no a person with denunciative looks etc. There will not be a person who remembers my bad behaviour and what is the most important there will no the person who had to fogive me... for my unfaithfulness. My Infidelity was a concious act - I met a person of my real dream, not you, but humble, and simple and interesting from all sides. Just I need something another where I will be more succesful and right...and less wrong, more attentive to my needs, kind, speakable, a good prayer and oh how many virtues she has against you".

We do want to keep our 'past'face before that person, to keep may be something that could some tail of the passing train for him (this is our little farwell present)
that we just have to say worser about ourselves, (nothing for us indeed but so much for another) than to say openly the truth.

Le Printemps by Millet Jean Francouis....and Breton. And art of life in the reality of 'un refus courtois'. Oh sorry, yes, Sisley of course too. People can be mistaken, and this is not a sin. Corteous abandoning, declinature - it is what is so hard for people to do - maybe it would help me if I could live with what how it is for God?